7 Things You Shouldn't Do During a Breakup

I can't sleep. For those who know me - there's no surprise there. I would say that I have a lot on my mind, but that would be the understatement of the century.

The big news is, I am currently going through a breakup. It's alright, I'm fine. These things happen. Life will go on. But even though breakups are stressful and confusing for both parties, there's a code of conduct and courtesy that should be followed and I'm here to spell out some of those un-spoken rules for you now because I've been doing a lot of thinking about it recently. So, here's my list of 7 things that you shouldn't do during a break up.

1. Don't expect sympathy if you're the one who ended it, unless it was for a really traumatic reason. Don't get me wrong, if they were abusive to you, or cheated on you, or did some other unthinkable thing, then you deserve all the sympathy in the world. But, if you end a long-term relationship because you're feelings have changed, or things just aren't the same anymore between the two of you, then don't expect many people to feel sorry for you - you aren't the one who got dumped. They didn't break your heart. It doesn't work like that.

2. Don't immediately stalk your ex's social media. Trust me, no good can come of this. Think about it... if they're doing well and living their life, then you'll feel insecurity and resentment because they aren't more broken up about the situation like you are. But it's also important to remember that for many people - social media is a highlight reel and the last thing that anyone wants during a breakup is for their ex to see them wallowing, so they're very unlikely to be honest about how they are doing anyway. Also, it's more than possible that they, or someone in their life, will have said some unflattering things about you on their Facebook wall or Twitter feed and that's just the world we live in today. So, do what you can to avoid the whole mess until the dust settles.

3. Don't break up with someone via text. End of. Don't do it over Facebook message or with a tweet. Don't ghost someone, don't ignore them - just don't do it. Break up with a person to their face. Look them in the eye and tell them how you're feeling. Over the phone isn't ideal either, but I do realize that every situation is different. But whether it's over Skype or in person, get up the courage to end the relationship in a respectable manner. After all, it is another person you're breaking up with and this is already hard enough.

4. Don't think the breakup somehow makes you exempt from all your previous obligations. Before you cut them out of your life entirely - if that is your plan - make sure you tie up all loose ends first. Just because you can't stand the thought of them at the moment, doesn't give you a hall pass out of all your previous responsibilities. Send them the money you owe them, help them out with the task that you promised them you'd help them with because they don't have anyone else who can do it, and make sure to get them back any of their things that they want back. Do these things because it's the right thing to do.

5. Don't re-write the history of your relationship together just because you're angry. Breakups get ugly; I get that. But don't think that just because you're pissed at the person in the moment that you immediately have the right to start tarring your entire relationship with an ugly brush. Don't make assumptions about the other person that you have no reason to believe, don't replay good moments in your history and find a way to make them bad, and don't blame them for something that they didn't do. These behaviors are unhealthy and don't do either of you any good in an already really uncomfortable situation.

6. Don't take your relationship struggles out on the friends and family of your ex. If they were kind to you throughout the relationship, then find an appropriate way to end those relationships, too. Remember that it isn't your ex's Mom and Dad or best friend that you are angry with, so they shouldn't have to feel like all that time being supportive of your relationship was a waste of their effort when it's over. 

7. Don't string a person along for longer than you need to because you are afraid to tell them the truth. Wether it's because you want to spare their feelings or because you're afraid of their reaction, it doesn't matter. If you're not feeling the relationship anymore, tell the other person as soon as possible. It'll only hurt them more when they find out that it was a long time coming and they had no idea. And besides, the longer you wait, the more unhappy you'll become and the more resentment you'll build up by the end, which will only make the inevitable that much worse when it happens.

It's hard to remain civil when feelings and tensions run high, but remember that the person you're ending it with was once really important to you. Even if you don't plan to keep them in your life afterwards, you will both feel better about the whole situation and have a much easier healing process if you can manage to remember the golden rule. And, hopefully then, one of you won't be up at 3am thinking about things could have been done differently. 

Just a thought.