Quarter-Life Here I Come

This weekend marks the end of another year. 2017 came and went faster than on-coming traffic on the highway and yet, somehow, I am still wishing it had passed by even faster.

It’s been some time since I put fingers to keyboard and a lot has happened since my last update. So, with my hard soda as my company for the evening, I’ll shed some light on what you all may have missed.

I’m 24 now and with that comes a whole plethora of changes. Even my body is doing things to me that I’m not used to. I have officially entered into my quarter-life crisis - HARD. 

I’ve moved back home with my parents and have been semi-successfully co-habitating with them for about five months now. The good news is that the new, more mature me has managed to strengthen relations with both of them and that’s a great feeling. I think I finally know what it means to be close with them both and I’m very grateful for that. They have been more supportive and helpful than I ever dreamed imaginable and I can’t thank them enough for their on-going support. The bad news is I feel a little like I have been stripped of all my independence upon relocating here. It’s harder than I ever expected going from complete freedom - living hundreds of miles away and doing whatever, whenever I wanted, to living in a small, country town and getting up every day, going to work, and doing not much else. I miss the city. I miss the adventure. I miss my friends. I miss my old life. With the new addition of my road-legalness, however, I can cross my fingers that 2018 will bring me a bit more adventure and excitement - even if it is just going to the mall by myself on a weekend - at this point, I’ll take what I can get.

I got dumped in 2017 and that was hard. It was a messy, savage break-up and I left that relationship with very little closure or understanding as to what actually happened behind the scenes, but I kept it together as best as I could and just kept on moving until one day I woke up and it just wasn’t so hard anymore. But, I can officially add crying like a basket case at work onto my lowest-moments-in-life list.

It is crazy how quickly things can go from bad to good, to bad, to worse, though. I have to admit that this past fall and winter have been the saddest and loneliest months of my entire life. I have never felt more cut off from the world than I do now. I have an incredibly solitary job and all things considered, I probably spend more than 20 hours of my day either alone or asleep. That will definitely continue to take some getting used to. I suppose the optimistic twist is that I’m happier in my own company now than I’ve ever been and chances are that will come in handy for the rest of my life. Even us pessimists have to find the silver-linings once in a while, right?

Someone close to me has fallen ill, too, and that is definitely something I didn’t expect to befall me in 2017. I nearly got through another year without anything like this happening, but I’ll be damned if just as I was crossing the finish line we didn’t get the news. Not exactly the way I wanted to enter into a new, fresh, exciting year - with this lingering over all of our heads. But, what can you do? For the first time I know what it means to be hopeful - because that’s all I can be.

I’ve also started a stricter diet and exercise routine than I’ve ever been on and I’ve gotten braces, too. And, as much as I absolutely hate both for their negative side-effects on my daily routine, I am slowly but surely seeing the benefits they are having on my appearance. I’ve been told it’ll all be worth in the end - I’ll let you know if they’re right.

Finally - and perhaps most importantly - I should mention that I’ve met someone. I’ve met a boy who makes me happier than I think I’ve ever been. It’s early days for us, but once we iron out the details and take off the training wheels, I truly believe we have a chance at something special. Of course with any new relationship comes complications and frustrations - many of which I am feeling the effects of right now - but 2017 has taught me to be a more patient and understanding person and I’m putting my new skills to good use with this one. Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly and properly, and that’s exactly true for this, too. I don’t have all the answers, but we really care about one another and for now that is enough.

I suppose looking back on my year: leaving Scotland, graduating (again), getting my first real job, paying bills for the first time, getting a car, leaving one relationship and entering another… it really was a mind-blowing pass around the sun - for better or for worse. And while in many ways I am still finding my feet and purpose, I'm more than just a year older and 10 pounds lighter. I’m learning to take life as it comes: one day at a time. I’ve changed and grown more in the last six months than I have in the last five years and I am a better and stronger person for all the craziness that has been thrown my way. 

I don’t know what to expect from the new year. I don’t know if I’ll be sitting in this exact spot one year from now feeling worse, or if I’ll be somewhere new and beautiful feeling better (or some combination of the two), but I do know that after this year, I am confident that I can handle anything that 2018 dishes out. I may be just entering my quarter-life now, but that still means I have three quarters to go and the possibilities are truly endless.