I'm A Quitter
I’m a quitter. There, I said it.
I have quit on - not everything - but most things that I’ve tried in my life. I’ve given up on so many dreams and plans when the going got too tough. I’ve ALWAYS been a quitter. I quit Girl Scouts in the 2nd grade. I quit volleyball in 3rd. I quit classes when they were too hard. I quit clubs that made me feel out of place. I even quit on career choices and life goals when someone else told me I couldn’t do it… I think you get the picture.
Some people just aren’t born with that “can do” attitude, and I’m one of them.
It isn’t that I’m not dedicated or determined because believe me, if I want something badly enough, I’ll kill myself trying. It’s just that, sometimes, I lose sight of my end goals and get discouraged and give up.
I’m 25 and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that that the things in my life that I most regret are the ones I’ve given up on - especially the ones that I might have had a real shot at, if I didn’t let my fears or insecurities get the best of me.
Isn’t that always the case, though? I know that concept isn’t specific to just me - plenty of people out there can probably relate.
Here’s the thing, though. I can usually tell pretty early during something whether or not I’m steadfast enough in my pursuit that I won’t let outside forces discourage me. Like me moving to Scotland, for example. That was going to happen no matter what I had to do to get there. I would have done just about anything legal to move back, and low and behold, despite setback after setback, I can officially say I lived in Scotland for a whole year after my study abroad trip was over.
Recently I undertook one of the biggest projects I’ve ever taken on - after my Master’s thesis. I created, from scratch, this blog. I worked for months to create content and design the site. I’ve spent more time and money on this project than I have anything in a really long time. But, I’ve wanted to be a writer, of some form, for years now. I love the idea of putting things I create out into the world and having them be well-received by others. I want to author a blog for everyone to enjoy, but I also want to author a blog for me. I love doing it. I love writing and taking pictures. It’s a true passion of mine that I never really took the time to embrace - until now.
But as my life’s struggles and challenges ebb and flow, it’s hard to keep motivated and dedicated to it. It takes A LOT of time to create content and keep the schedule I set for myself. And because I’m a very structured person, one or two setbacks from my plan and I start to lose purpose in my head. I missed my first deadline last week and that was nearly the nail in the coffin for me, I’ll admit. I just beat myself up over things like that so much, it’s almost impossible for me to move past it.
Tonight nearly the same thing happened. I got distracted with life and nearly missed a deadline - a promise I made to myself to keep this dream alive. 😔 I could quickly feel this dream slip from my fingers as so many have before it.
I’ve been doing some reflection lately. I think it’s so important to do so once in a while. To take a look at our habits, thoughts, and actions and reflect on what is healthy and would could use some improvement. I’ve also been seeking some expert advice from motivational and inspirational folks like Rachel Hollis, who takes her life by the horns each and every day. Her advice? Don’t quit. It’s that simple. When we want something, go for it until it happens. And considering where she’s at in her life, she probably knows a thing or two about how to get there.
She talks a lot about making promises to yourself and keeping them. She, and others like her, remind me that my dreams and goals are important. Because, if I’m honest, I’m not very good at reminding myself. So, here I am. 10:50 PM, in bed, writing this post for the blog, for my readers, and for myself. Rachel is living proof - like most successful people - that no one can tell you how big your dream can be. And I want this blogging thing to be a success. I want to see it through. Now, I’m not expecting to be rich and famous from it, but I’d love it if I were still writing and being read five years down the road. I think I owe it to myself to honor this commitment to myself and keep going - no matter how many setbacks I face or deadlines I miss.
I’m going to keep this promise to myself. I’m going to keep writing. I have to.
I might give up on diets and fashion trends until the end of time. I might change jobs and five-year plans. I might always be the kind of person who gets faced with adversity and walks away. But just this once, I won’t be a quitter.