Oh my god, it's my birthday. And I'm a quarter of a century old. I'm so calling BS on this.

Once you hit your mid-twenties, aren't you supposed to be wiser and more mature? Each day I wake up and still feel like a teenager or younger! I still make the same mistakes that I've been making my entire life. But I think that's pretty typical of most people my age. We're caught between young and old and it's a tough age, really. We want to be adults, but adulting is hard. This is for all the young adults who are doing the best they can, but still not totally cutting it.

So, in honor of my big day, I've compiled a list of things that I should have learned in the first 24 years of my life, but still haven't. This isn't meant to be as much of a cautionary tale as it is just a way to poke fun at how inept I can still be in my old age. Maybe some people can relate to some of these at an even older age, and maybe I'll relate to these forever, but here's where I'm at for now.

With that said, here are 25 lessons and facts of life that I should have adopted at 25, but I haven't. I guess I still have some work to do.

I should have learned not to eat highly staining food (chocolate, hot sauce, raspberries, etc.) near really porous and easy to stain surfaces like the carpet and bed sheets. I can't tell you how many times I've been scolded by my parents for staining comforters, pillows and other soft surfaces with my red or brown foods. Just the other day I was lounging on the floor eating some raspberries and I dropped one on our beige carpeting. I managed to scrub the stain out with soap and water, but I'm not usually that lucky.
This one might be more relatable for some than others, but I definitely should have learned how to put my bra on behind my back by now. Go ahead and laugh, I still can't get those little clasps together without looking. I've been putting my bras on over my head since I started wearing them and I still haven't figured this one out. All I know is that when I do, that will be my official initiation into womanhood.
I doubt that this one will ever become the habit it should be, but I probably should have learned to use coasters by this point. I’m pretty good at ruining furniture with glasses - water (or more likely coffee) rings are a major aspect of my daily life. Yeah, that’s a bad one, but to be honest, I’m just forgetful and lazy. My bad.
Pretty simple, but I should have learned to match and fold my socks by now. I can’t remember the last time I wore a matching pair of socks and that might not sound like a big deal, but when they consistently get washed separately, they go missing much easier and wear at different rates. Long story short, I no longer even have a matching pairs of socks to wear if I wanted to.
I should have learned not to let other people’s opinions dictate what I wear, say, think, feel, etc. At 25, I’m still struggling, as many people are, I’m sure, with letting other peoples’ opinions have too much of an impact on my life. I wish I’d learned by now to let that shit go.
I should have learned not to drink alcohol and eat Taco Bell in the same night. TB might be the most delicious hang over cure on earth, as many have told me, but it will give you stomach issues like on other if eaten with any kind of alcohol still in your stomach. You’ve been warned, and so have I, but obviously I’m not listening.
I probably should have learned not to go to the mall when I’m feeling emotional. That’s right, I’m an emotional shopper. That’s a problem that my bank account is all too familiar with. I should have learned by now that I can’t keep spending money just to make myself feel better, but even after all these years, I still make the crucial mistake of walking through those double doors feeling emotionally vulnerable.
I still haven’t learned how to change my own tire if I should need to. Maybe this one is more common than I expect, but still, that’s a life skill that I don’t possess and definitely should.
I should have learned that chips will get stale if I don’t close them properly. I’m sure this one might make some people laugh, but I can’t tell you how many bags I’ve had to throw out because I just can’t grasp the concept of putting a clip on the top. It’s hard.
I should have learned by now not to have private conversations in public spaces. You never know who is listening…
I should have learned that if I stay up late watching Netflix, I’ll feel like hell in the morning when I’m up early for work. Duh. But I just can’t get enough of The Great British Bake Off.
I should have learned that I’m not a burden to my friends and family - no matter what. I still have a hard time leaning on people and letting them be there for me when I need them, and not feeling bad or like an inconvenience when I ask for help.
While I can technically do this one, I’m not good at it at all: reading an analogue clock. Even though I wear a watch on my wrist every day, I still have to take a second or third look at the hands to figure out what time it is.
I should have learned to write down my passwords and pin numbers in a safe place. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been locked out of my bank cards and Starbucks Gold Card account. I have a memory like a sieve.
I should have learned to listen to my parents’ advice so much more often than I do. They’re almost always right, but I tend to forget that a lot.
I should have learned by now that in a fight, I don’t need to always have the last word or be right. As I get older and experience more relationships with people - both healthy and unhealthy - I’m learning that I gain nothing from always trying to win a fight. I’m not on the other side of this bad habit yet, but I’m just always trying to remind myself that it’s better to lose the battle and win the war.
I should have learned by now that one bad moment doesn’t have to ruin my whole day. As an unwavering pessimist, this one is more than a little bit of a challenge for me. I cry over a lot of spilled milk.
Without a doubt I should have learned not to speak to anyone before I’ve had my morning coffee. You’ll never see me ruder or more unpleasant than 8 AM before I’ve had my magic beans in a cup.
Another obvious one that I should have learned by now is that you get out of most things what you put into them. Rarely do good relationships, great jobs, and amazing experiences just fall into your lap and stick around without effort on your part. If you want success and happiness, they both take work and investment.
I should have learned by now that sometimes I just need a hug, and when I do, I need to let someone give me a hug. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made this mistake and still do. It’s so hard to be that vulnerable, even with people you care about.
I should have learned to floss. Not only do I rarely ever floss despite my dentist always telling me I should, but I also cannot use dental floss that isn’t attached to a flosser. One day, maybe.
I should have learned not to get so annoyed by little, insignificant things. Someone scuffing their feet, or shaking their leg, or sniffling next to me will wind me up something fierce. I have a list of pet peeves longer than my hair. It’s exhausting.
I probably should have learned to eat healthier, too. As I get older, I notice that unhealthy foods make me feel worse and worse after eating them. But that doesn’t stop me from finishing off a box of donuts, even though it definitely should.
I should have learned to get over some of my irrational fears, by 25, too. Cacti aren’t going to attack me, but no matter how many times I try and convince myself that, it all goes out the window when I enter a cactus room at a conservatory.
Finally, I should have learned how to be more comfortable and confident in my own skin. I still struggle with being uncomfortable in my clothes, with my opinions, and with who I see in the mirror. I haven’t yet learned how to have that effortless self-confidence like so many folks have. I’m so jealous of those people, but maybe someday I’ll know how that feels.

They say with age comes wisdom and every 20 something thinks they know it all. This list proves that I don’t. I suppose one way or another, I’ll have to learn these life lessons eventually - even if I end up learning more than one of them the hard way. We’ll see what happens - ask me again in another 25 years.