Because Even in Scotland, it Can't Rain Forever.

They warn you that this feeling is coming. "It isn't just a vacation in Europe for a semester", they say, "you will experience a time when the fun stops and the culture-shock sets in" (pfft, what do they know anyway, right? I know myself and I'll be having too much fun to notice... or so I've been telling myself for months now).

I was hoping to get at least one more positive post down before this one, but I promised myself that these updates would be genuine and not some shallow highlight reel to brag to the folks reading back home. So here it is: culture shock is real and the depression they warn us about is no joke.

Today was Day 1 of classes. (I know, how could I already be miserable; I haven't even given this semester a chance, but trust me, after today, my feelings are valid.) I woke up this morning with every intention of having a great day, but just as Murphy's Law suggests: (sometimes - like in today's case) anything that can go wrong, will. I missed breakfast because I was blithely unaware that the damn dining hall changed hours on me. So, after getting up many hours too late for food and many hours too early for class, what was I supposed to do? I was committed, so into Edinburgh I ventured.

I'm proud to report that I managed (intentionally as can be) to wander all the way from the Pollock Residence Halls onto campus (nearly a mile away) by myself, without help, without a map, and without GPS (whoot whoot). Once on campus however, I wasn't nearly as good with directions. Someone explain to me how it's possible for someone to walk around in circles for almost an hour within a radius of roughly 1 city block? Well, obviously, it can (somehow) be done, because I did it. I managed to find 2 out of my 3 classrooms today, which was a win. But I never did make it to the Visiting Students' Office to finalize all my finances and paperwork and such. I went to the wrong office, twice, and then when I finally found it, the line was clear down the hall - not worth it.

I got my #UniversityofEdinburgh #swag today, which was really cool. I officially feel like a real student here. But after my 2 classes today, I'm not sure being a student here is something I want to be. I have never, ever, in my life, ever, been so worried about my academic success as I am right now. Who thought that giving only a few assignments the power to determine my GPA's entire fate for the semester was a good idea? Honestly, I don't know that I have ever studied for a final exam for more than a few hours total. But that won't be the case here... 1 exam is worth 50% of your final class grade (no pressure). Yes, they did warn me that it was going to be tough, but it just hadn't set in until today. I'm doomed.

After repeatedly getting lost, sitting through my classes, and walking a mile to and from campus in the cold, dark and rainy weather, I totally understand why someone would feel homesick. I miss my small, compact campus where I know everyone's name and nothing is further away than a 3 – 5 minute walk. I miss my hyper-Americanized food that's totally bad for me. I miss my full wardrobe selection - this living out of a suitcase business is just not doing it for me. I miss everything just being easier for me to maneuver around - even the outlets and toilets are a struggle for me here #Icant.

It's not that I don't want to be here and it's not that I want to go home per se; I just need a #KrispyKreme doughnut, is that so much to ask? Where has #PandoraRadio disappeared to? And why can't I just use my credit card for everything - seriously, who still carries cash on them? My room is cold, I have had the flu for 3 days now (with no medicine to speak of) and all I want is a REAL cup of #Starbucks coffee. I don't care if these are #firstworldproblems or not, this is my life now and when it's a struggle just to figure out how to use the doors and cross the streets around here, the little day-to-day stresses really start to add up.

There is a pretty nice silver-lining: I actually have so many friends (for one of the first times in my life) and spending time with them really does help. So far, I love everyone that I spend my days and evenings with. They're all so fun and nice and (so far, at least) they seem to really enjoy my company. I'm very thankful for them and our time together. I just wanted to make sure I mentioned that because it really isn't as bad here as I'm making it seem. Today was overwhelming to say the ABSOLUTE LEAST and I just need a hug and a hot shower and pretty soon I'll be over it.

It will get better (I'm sure), because it may be stormy now, but (even in Scotland) it can't rain forever...