Anyone else feel like it couldn’t get worse than 2017, 2018, or 2019 and then 2020 happened?

I thought this was supposed to be THE YEAR for most of us. What happened? Going back and thinking about the hopeful conversations I had with others and myself about the potential of this year; I feel kind of like a fool. This is what optimism gets you.

I’m sure all my fellow creative souls out there can relate to the feeling of needing to express your feelings to clear your head - well that’s where I’m at. With everything happening around me right now, I know I’m not alone in being frustrated, but damn, if it’s not one thing it’s another these days.

Along with feeling isolated and a little stir-crazy, today I’m just plain angry. This all started with a harmless comment from a friend and then the spiraling and over-thinking commenced. The world is a dark place right now and I’m sure we are all feeling the effects, but anyone else out there feel like they just can’t catch a break? Maybe I just need to get more sleep or maybe I just need a hug, but whatever the treatment, I wanted to come to my online journal and get some of my feelings out in the open. While I don’t know the names or the faces of the lovely people who keep up with my life here, it’s incredible how less alone you all make me feel - so thank you. It’s nice to know that someone is always here to listen. ♥️

But as nice as it is to feel connected to my lovely readers, sometimes - like now - I wish I could just go off-grid and disappear for a while. I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it - maybe it’s actually me that I’m trying to convince. Connection to people is wonderful - a fact I’m realizing more and more as this social distancing thing continues. But, you have to learn to enjoy your own company. For many years, I struggled to be alone. I thought too much. I was too far inside my own head to enjoy anything outside of it. Then, sometime during college, I realized that I am my own best company and everything changed. Now, I can get through many days without so much as a “hi” from anyone else. But that still doesn’t mean I prefer it that way…

I’ll just have to apply that logic now and get through this shitty time as best as I can.